Saturday, 5 September 2015

Expel-Get rid of the bad and look for the good

To expel: force out (something), especially from the body.

QUOTED: Google search “expel”

So, this year I should have graduated in July.
Unfortunately I didn’t pass my dissertation, for a number of reasons.

For me this has been an absolute whirlwind of low points. From seeing my fellow classmates graduate through social media to having to adjust my future plans around not qualifying.

It’s constantly on my mind and I’m not ashamed to say it makes me cry...a lot. What upsets me is when I feel I’m okay and something reminds me of, well, failing. There are so many things that prompt those low moods so I’m going to try and write some of them out 
The "bad":
  • Firstly just not getting to graduate after working so had the past three years
  • Seeing all my class friend s having a great graduation
  • Banning myself from facebook after seeing Number 2
  • Finding out on my holiday and having to squash down my feelings to make the most of my holiday
  • Crying all over my boyfriend’s mother (not the best impression to make)
  • Losing my summer in rewriting my dissertation
  • Not getting to start the job I want
  • Having to attend the barbecue that was meant to celebrate my graduation
  • Telling my parents I’d failed
  • Seeing myself as a failure

Now I feel pretty crappy but in a good way. Its hard saying what upsets you and I’m sure I’ve missed some. It doesn’t feel quite so raw anymore though after writing these.

Yet I can’t leave this post with such negativity so next comes the "good":
  • I’ve been really well supported from University
  • I’ve got weeks and weeks just to rattle out a new submission
  • My dissertation is already way better than the first
  • I’ve been able to motivate myself better including planning my writing time and free time better
  • The free time is even more special to me
  • the response from my family and boyfriend has been unbelievable
  • And finally I’m learning from this experience, yeah its shitty but I know then when I get to graduate I’ll have earned 100%
So I couldn’t quite think of ten good things, but at least I’m left smiling after this post. I also feel a lot more renewed and will be definitely be getting on with some more work today!
Have you ever had a really bad experience and what did you learn from it?

Abi x